Top 10 Reality Shows

Ah, reality shows. We love them and we love to hate them. I've wasted many hours watching these crappy shows. Reality shows are a testament to how low society has fallen, but I just can't stop watching these train wrecks. I even watch America's Next Top Model, which didn't make this list because of my intense, seething hatred of Tyra Banks.

So without further ado, the Top 10 Reality Shows list:

10) American Idol

8 Seasons

Once American Idol reaches the final 12, the show gets incredibly boring. It is a horrible talent show and I usually dislike all of them. Where American Idol shines is during the early stages of the competition, when deluded individuals who think they can sing get verbally berated by Simon Cowell. It makes for some great TV.

Watching these contests try and sing is hilariously funny, especially when they beg to sing another song or just start singing again over the judges. Cowell definitely makes it funnier, despite Paula Abdul's drunken, stoned attempts to ruin the show.

9) Tommy Lee Goes to College

1 Season

I hesitated adding this because it was as much a reality show as The Hills or Laguna Beach, in other words, it was completely scripted. But it really was a funny show and the writers deserve credit. Watching Tommy get into one "zany" adventure after another was better than most shows that are labelled as sitcoms these days.

8) The Surreal Life 

6 Seasons

The Surreal Life actually performed a public service. 

Firstly, it gave work to some of the most washed up "celebrities" out there.

Secondly, it informed me on how things were going for stars of the past like Vanilla Ice, MC Hammer and Peter Brady.

This show had some great moments. Verne "Mini-Me" Troyer pissing in the house, Vanilla Ice having meltdown after meltdown breaking things, including breaking down a door because he couldn't find any salt and the emergence of Flavor Flav as a reality star.

7) Foursome

2 Seasons

If you've never seen Foursome, then congratulations, you're not a pervert and don't subscribe to the Playboy Channel, but you are also missing out on one of the funniest, most over-the-top reality shows.

The premise is simple, 2 guys and 2 girls stay in a house for 24 hours. During this time, different games and outings with sexual themes are arranged for them. Then they have sex. It's pretty awesome. Of course, since the show is on the Playboy Channel, nothing is censored and these porn stars in training don't hold back.

One hilarious episode had the two girls taking a bubble bath together. One of the girls was feeling kind of down, so the other one decided to cheer her up by getting her "toy" and...well you get it now right?

6) Hell's Kitchen

5 Seasons

Gordon Ramsey is a dick, but watching him swear and throw things at total morons is fun.

This show let's aspiring chefs take over one of Ramsey's restaurants if they win. Why in God's name anyone would go to these restaurants after watching this show is beyond me. None of these people are ever any good and their personal hygiene leaves a lot to be desired. 

Watching Ramsey berate them is the only reason to watch, but it is a good reason.

5) The Apprentice

8 Seasons

Speaking of assholes, Donald Trump may very well define that word, but watching The Donald fire wanna-be yuppies every week is a lot of fun. 

Even the celebrity version of this show wasn't bad, not including Stephen Baldwin acting like a douchebag. 

But what makes this show is the normal version. Watching The Donald tell these losers off, fire them and then have them thank him ("Thank you, Mr. Trump") is fantastic. Just once I'd like someone to get voted off and tell Trump to kiss their ass.

4) The Amazing Race

14 Seasons

It was tough to decide between The Amazing Race and #3 choice for the title of "Best of the Legitimate Reality Shows," but coming there is no shame in second place.

The production of the Amazing Race is second to none. Its editing is incredible and makes for a fine viewing experience. Host Phil Keoghan is a legend to TAR fans for never standing still while describing the next leg of the race. He is ALWAYS walking.

The puzzles are fun and the destinations are interesting. Other than the "ugly American" stereotype that certain teams exhibit, this show is always exciting.

3) Survivor

18 Seasons

Survivor is the granddaddy of U.S. reality shows. When Richard Hatch won the million dollar prize as the evil mastermind of season 1, the TV landscape was changed forever. 

Survivor would have been higher on the list, if not for the trend lately of undeserving players winning. The strong and smart are usually voted out, because some idiot makes a dumb decision or gets lucky.

But Survivor has also had some great moments, none greater than Richard Hatch pulling off a win in that very first season. Despite its flaws, Survivor is still a must watch show.

2) Rock of Love

3 Seasons

To the untrained eye, there isn't much difference between Rock of Love and other similar VH1 and MTV shows like I Love New York or A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, but Bret Michaels and the women(?) that are vying for his heart are above all the rest.

It begins with Bret Michaels trying to act like he actually wants to find love. Looking for love in a group of porn stars, prostitutes, strippers and aspiring actresses is like looking for a hit Bret Michaels' song, impossible.

Bret is at his best when his righteousness takes over. This season he scolded and eliminated a girl for giving away a gift that he claimed meant a lot to him. That Bret, he sure is a classy guy. Of course, 5 minutes later he probably had another orgy like he did in seasons 1 and 2. 

Bret trying to be smart is also priceless. For example, this season one of the girls had a hidden cell phone and called her boyfriend. Bret of course had no idea. At the end of the episode, he threw her off the show and stated that he always knew. Sure Bret, the producers didn't tell you what was going on did they? Of course the other girls also warned Bret, but who would listen to them anyway.

The other thing that makes this show awesome is the girls. It's not that they are eye candy. Most of them are so used up that Bret should probably be wearing a hazmat suit when he comes into contact with them. 

1) Real World/Road Rules Challenge

16 Seasons

This is a controversial decision for all 3 of you that read this, but the Real World/Road Rules series of reality competitions is the best. 

Let me make it clear, The Real World and Road Rules both suck individually, but there is something about the Challenge, which pits them against each other.

One of the best parts of this show is that contestants appear in multiple seasons, while new blood is brought in from the new RW and RR seasons.

You really get to know all of these professional challenge players and hilarity always ensues. You get to see the drama of how many of these people have slept with each other (answer: all of them). 

You get to see people "retire." Yes, people retire from the Challenge and announce it with pride and a speech. 

The drunken fights, the sober fights, the fights about fights and the love decagons all make this show the best reality show.

Another excellent facet of this show is the scouting. You watch the Real World and Road Rules, to see which cast members would make good additions to the challenge. It's like watching a college basketball season to see who will get drafted by the NBA.

And of course, a lot of the contestants are hot. Very hot.

Top 8 Most Hated People in Comics

8) Kevin Huxford

This guy would be higher on this list if more people knew who he was. I wasn't even sure that I should give him any publicity, but I just couldn't ignore this piece of work (you'll thank me for not being able to find a larger photo of him).

Kevin Huxford is a blogger/internet troll who calls himself a "journalist." 

What he manages to do is piss off everybody he comes in contact with. He stalks and insults Marvel writer Dan Slott any chance he gets. This stems from when our mild mannered "reporter" decided to report TV/comic book writer Marc Guggenheim to the Writer's Guild of America, even though Marc had done nothing wrong. Marc laughed the whole incident off, but when Slott stood up for his friend, Huxford became obsessed with Slott.

It was in this exchange that we found out that Kevin's activism with unions comes from his time working as a grocery bagger. This man is a hero.

That is, until you see his shirtless vlogs on YouTube. *shudder* 

7) The Sentry

The Sentry is the only fictional character on this list (unless Grocery Bagger Union Buster isn't real). 

The Sentry's story begins as a hoax between Marvel and Wizard Magazine. The two companies "revealed" in a story that a lost Silver Age character created by Stan Lee had been found in some closet or something. A fairly successful series was then created by Paul Jenkins and Jae Lee. That should have ended the story of Marvel's Superman who had the "power of one million exploding suns" (whatever the hell that means).

But then Marvel went overboard. The Sentry joined the Avengers. The Sentry saved the day in World War Hulk. The Sentry was EVERYWHERE, being crammed down fans' throats.

Now The Sentry just needs to die.

6) Rich Johnston

Rich Johnston is a necessary evil to people in comics. He is like the paparazzi to celebrities.

Rich writes the popular gossip column "Lying in the Gutters." Through his "sources" he breaks stories that many in the comic industry aren't ready to reveal yet. But what Rich does is create buzz for these stories as well. So while many comic creators and execs publicly state that Rich is "harmful to the industry" and my personal favorite, "a vulture," these same people sometimes let things "slip" on purpose as a way to get publicity through LitG.

So in a way, Rich Johnston is the man that comic professionals love to hate.

P.S. - He is also a shameless self-promoter and will probably link this post to his column. *Crosses fingers*

5) Jeph Loeb

He's on this list because he writes crap like this:

'Nuff said.

4) Dan Didio/Joe Quesada/Anyone else who's in charge

These guys are all lumped together because it stems from a hatred of authority. Keep in mind that both Dan Didio and Joe Quesada have been in charge of their respective companies in one of the most successful periods for both DC and Marvel.

But somehow, both Dan and Joe have managed to "rape the childhoods" of countless comic book fans. Every decision these guys make is met with cries of outrage. 

If message boards are to be believed (which they never should be) Joe's decision to undo Spider-Man's wedding to Mary Jane almost created a string of mass suicides. 

He even got shit for wanting to take smoking out of comics, as if the Hulk lighting up would change the story in any way.

Dan is just maligned for ordering the death of a new character daily. It's not like anybody is going to miss Sue Dibny. Lately, "reports" that Dan Didio will be fired do to tension in DC's offices were obviously off the mark.

3) Chuck Austen

Chuck Austen was so hated that it drove him out of the comic industry. Austen was a mediocre writer who had stints on both Avengers and X-Men. That could have been the end of the story, but for some reason Chuch Austen collapsed under the pressure.

The more he was pushed by his critics, the more he pushed back. It became really heated when Austen was called a misogynist who hates women and is obsessed with sex. Austen kept fighting back, but it just got worse. He was replaced on Action Comics by a ghostwriter as fans panned him for making Lois Lane and Lana Lang fight with each other.

Honestly, the things Austen was maligned for was being too open with fans. He was crushed under the weight of not taking criticism well and hasn't written a comic in 5 years.

2) John Byrne

What the hell happened to John Byrne? At one time, he was the #1 creator in comics. His runs on X-Men and Fantastic Four are two of the all-time greatest on any comic book ever. If John Byrne was taking over a series, you just knew it was going to be amazing.

Then one day, John Byrne went bat shit crazy. 

There was the time he compared the theft of intellectual property to rape.

There was the time he called Steve Irwin "an asshole" on the day he died.

There are his views on terrorism: "The only acceptable response, now that we are officially in a new world, is for the American government to go Old Testament on these motherfuckers. 

Operation Flaming Sword. Find them and kill them. And kill their wives, their children, their mothers, their fathers, their brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, butchers, bakers, candlestick makers. Go Super-Israel, and let them know what it feels like to be "at war" with the United States."

His views on the comic industry: Face it - for the most part, when you say "comic book professional" what you mean is "unprofessional yahoo who is more concerned with making a name for himself and masturbating all his emotionally retarded fans than paying attention to the history of the titles, the characters, or the work done by other creators."

On Christopher Reeve (after his death): "I've gotten tired of people calling Christopher Reeve a hero. A really terrible thing happened to him and our society can't deal with it when terrible things happen so we try to make out that it isn't a terrible thing - 'It's an uplifting thing. He's a hero.' He's not a hero, he's in hell."

I won't even get into his racial slurs here. Check out this site for his Greatest Hits: en.wikiquote.org/wiki/John_Byrne.

He has fought with fans and comic pros alike. His feuds with Joe Quesada, Erik Larsen and Peter David, among others, are epic. Even his message board is run like an internment camp.

It's surprising to even me that he isn't #1 on this list, but somehow the following name on this list is hated even more.

 

1) Rob Liefeld

Where do I begin? Rob Liefeld is definitely the most hated person in the world of comics. Mention his name anywhere and it turns into a bitchfest.

"The guy can't draw feet." (Which after so many years is bizarrely true. Why doesn't he take some lessons?)

"The guy has problems drawing anatomy." (Which Captain Booberica below probably agrees with.)

"His books are always late." (Also true. According to Wikipedia, his Youngblood series was up to 9 months late.)

"He plagiarizes." (Yup.)

But Rob is not some innocent victim. He finds a way to piss people off at every turn. He posts on message boards arguing with anyone and everyone, from guys named Doombug to artists like Rags Morales (Rags completely embarrassed Rob in that thread with the now classic line, "And as far as being me? I'm sure you'd lop off you right wrist to be me. If you knew what a wrist looked like.")

Basically what it comes down to is this. Rob was a superstar at Marvel, even co-creating my favorite character Deadpool (though he looked very similar to DC Comics' Deathstroke). He became very famous, very fast and even did an ad for Levi's 501 jeans. He left Marvel and became one of the founders of Image.

It was all downhill from there. He alienated the co-founders of Image and was eventually removed from the company. His books never came out on time and they were garbage. He was basically phoning it in. To top it off, his arrogance rubbed a lot of comic fans the wrong way and put him at the top of this list. 

Rob Liefeld brought this upon himself. He, along with his 4-5 disciples who go to different message boards claiming that Liefeld is the next messiah, should spend less time fighting with fans online or falling asleep during meetings, and instead work on his craft and learn to be more humble. Then maybe one day people will like Rob Liefeld.

Top 10 Amazing Race Hotties

10) Shana Wall

Amazing Race 12

Eliminated Leg 5

I'm not holding it against Shana that she once dated Ryan Seacrest. I'm not holding it against her that she was eliminated in the 5th leg (with hottie teammate Jennifer McCall) which kept me from watching their hot asses longer. I'm not even holding it against her that she appeared uncredited on an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. What I am holding against her is that she won't let me spy on her in the shower anymore. Stupid judge...

9) Dustin Konzelman

Amazing Race 10

Eliminated Leg 10

Amazing Race 11

Finished 2nd

Dustin and her partner Kandice were insufferable bitches. But you have to give them credit, they did well in two season of the Amazing Race. Dubbed The Beauty Queens, they were bitchy and conniving, but hotness is hotness and Dustin was hot. She met Kandice at the Miss America pageant in 2006 (Dustin was Miss California, Kandice was Miss New York) where they most likely engaged in hot lesbian sex (or signing up for the Amazing Race, I forget which one).

8) Danielle Turner

Amazing Race 9

Eliminated Leg 4

Amazing Race 11

Finished 1st

Danielle first appeared in Season 9 with her friend Dani (who was also fairly hot). They were morons and were knocked out in the fourth leg. That should have been the last we saw of her, but Danielle did what any other bimbo would do she found a guy to provide for her. She teamed up with fellow season 9 cast member Eric, who she was now dating, and returned for the All-Star edition in Season 11. He carried her all the way to the $1 million. I love a happy ending.

7) Starr Spangler

Amazing Race 13

Finished 1st

With her obviously gay-but-doesn't-know-it-cause-he-claims-to-have-a-girlfriend brother Nick, Starr Spangler avoided becoming the first porn star that didn't need a pseudonym. The brother/sister combo won 7 legs and Starr's short shorts always gave us a look at two more. Did I forget to mention that Starr was a former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader? Ah, fuck it. Just look at her boobs.

6) Kris Perkins

Amazing Race 6

Finished 2nd

Kris Perkins is someone that you appreciate more if you watch the Amazing Race. She is not the prettiest girl, but she has a lot of things going for her. She was really nice. She didn't fight with her teammate Jon. She was respectful to the locals. AND SHE HAS ENORMOUS TITS!

5) Kendra Bentley

Amazing Race Season 6

Finished 1st

Kendra and her fiance Freddy were fashion models who won the $1 million in Season 6. She was the typical ugly American. During a drive through Ethiopia she said, "This city is wretched and disgusting and they keep breeding and breeding in this poverty. I can't take it!" We don't love them for their minds folks.

4) Amie Barsky

Amazing Race 1

Eliminated Leg 5

Amy and her fiance (now husband) Paul competed in the first season of the Amazing Race. They weren't really memorable until you look at Amy now. She is an aspiring actress/model and met Paul when she was bartending in 1999. She was a Philadelphia Eagles cheerleader and has starred in movies with heavyweights like Adam Goldberg and Gabriel Schwalenstocker. The topless slasher movie scene can't be far away.

3) Kristy Jensen

Amazing Race 6

Eliminated Leg 3

Kristy and her sister Lena were the Mormon team on Amazing Race 6. They were eliminated quickly so we didn't get to see much of Kristy. But one quick Google search and I saw what we were all missing. This is one hot Mormon folks. She's so hot that the guy she marries may choose to only have 2 wives.

2) Victoria Fuller

Amazing Race 6

Eliminated Leg 8

The hottest of the Season 6 hotties, Victoria had the distinction of being the first reality show contestant to be beaten by her husband on national TV (he claimed it was the editing - douche). Victoria was getting yelled at and pushed almost every episode under the guise of "the entrepreneur" team. What they should have focused on more was that Victoria was a Playboy centerfold (Miss January 1996). There are a lot of naked pictures out there so grab the Vaseline and check her out.

1) Amber Brkich

Amazing Race 7

Finished 2nd

Amazing Race 11

Eliminated Leg 4

It pains me to have Amber Brkich at #1, but the girl is smoking hot. She appeared on two seasons of the Amazing Race with her douche husband Rob. Amber also won $1 million on Survivor, appearing twice on that as well. She has the two pronged hotness attack. She has that girl next door look (if the girl next door was a millionaire hot piece of ass) that can be transformed into the slutty, I-will-do-terrible-things-to-you-and-you'll-like-it look. From top to bottom, Amber Brkich is the hottest woman to ever compete on the Amazing Race.