Ah, reality shows. We love them and we love to hate them. I've wasted many hours watching these crappy shows. Reality shows are a testament to how low society has fallen, but I just can't stop watching these train wrecks. I even watch America's Next Top Model, which didn't make this list because of my intense, seething hatred of Tyra Banks.
So without further ado, the Top 10 Reality Shows list:
10) American Idol
Once American Idol reaches the final 12, the show gets incredibly boring. It is a horrible talent show and I usually dislike all of them. Where American Idol shines is during the early stages of the competition, when deluded individuals who think they can sing get verbally berated by Simon Cowell. It makes for some great TV.
Watching these contests try and sing is hilariously funny, especially when they beg to sing another song or just start singing again over the judges. Cowell definitely makes it funnier, despite Paula Abdul's drunken, stoned attempts to ruin the show.
9) Tommy Lee Goes to College
I hesitated adding this because it was as much a reality show as The Hills or Laguna Beach, in other words, it was completely scripted. But it really was a funny show and the writers deserve credit. Watching Tommy get into one "zany" adventure after another was better than most shows that are labelled as sitcoms these days.
8) The Surreal Life
The Surreal Life actually performed a public service.
Firstly, it gave work to some of the most washed up "celebrities" out there.
Secondly, it informed me on how things were going for stars of the past like Vanilla Ice, MC Hammer and Peter Brady.
This show had some great moments. Verne "Mini-Me" Troyer pissing in the house, Vanilla Ice having meltdown after meltdown breaking things, including breaking down a door because he couldn't find any salt and the emergence of Flavor Flav as a reality star.
If you've never seen Foursome, then congratulations, you're not a pervert and don't subscribe to the Playboy Channel, but you are also missing out on one of the funniest, most over-the-top reality shows.
The premise is simple, 2 guys and 2 girls stay in a house for 24 hours. During this time, different games and outings with sexual themes are arranged for them. Then they have sex. It's pretty awesome. Of course, since the show is on the Playboy Channel, nothing is censored and these porn stars in training don't hold back.
One hilarious episode had the two girls taking a bubble bath together. One of the girls was feeling kind of down, so the other one decided to cheer her up by getting her "toy" and...well you get it now right?
6) Hell's Kitchen
Gordon Ramsey is a dick, but watching him swear and throw things at total morons is fun.
This show let's aspiring chefs take over one of Ramsey's restaurants if they win. Why in God's name anyone would go to these restaurants after watching this show is beyond me. None of these people are ever any good and their personal hygiene leaves a lot to be desired.
Watching Ramsey berate them is the only reason to watch, but it is a good reason.
5) The Apprentice
Speaking of assholes, Donald Trump may very well define that word, but watching The Donald fire wanna-be yuppies every week is a lot of fun.
Even the celebrity version of this show wasn't bad, not including Stephen Baldwin acting like a douchebag.
But what makes this show is the normal version. Watching The Donald tell these losers off, fire them and then have them thank him ("Thank you, Mr. Trump") is fantastic. Just once I'd like someone to get voted off and tell Trump to kiss their ass.
4) The Amazing Race
It was tough to decide between The Amazing Race and #3 choice for the title of "Best of the Legitimate Reality Shows," but coming there is no shame in second place.
The production of the Amazing Race is second to none. Its editing is incredible and makes for a fine viewing experience. Host Phil Keoghan is a legend to TAR fans for never standing still while describing the next leg of the race. He is ALWAYS walking.
The puzzles are fun and the destinations are interesting. Other than the "ugly American" stereotype that certain teams exhibit, this show is always exciting.
Survivor is the granddaddy of U.S. reality shows. When Richard Hatch won the million dollar prize as the evil mastermind of season 1, the TV landscape was changed forever.
Survivor would have been higher on the list, if not for the trend lately of undeserving players winning. The strong and smart are usually voted out, because some idiot makes a dumb decision or gets lucky.
But Survivor has also had some great moments, none greater than Richard Hatch pulling off a win in that very first season. Despite its flaws, Survivor is still a must watch show.
2) Rock of Love
To the untrained eye, there isn't much difference between Rock of Love and other similar VH1 and MTV shows like I Love New York or A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, but Bret Michaels and the women(?) that are vying for his heart are above all the rest.
It begins with Bret Michaels trying to act like he actually wants to find love. Looking for love in a group of porn stars, prostitutes, strippers and aspiring actresses is like looking for a hit Bret Michaels' song, impossible.
Bret is at his best when his righteousness takes over. This season he scolded and eliminated a girl for giving away a gift that he claimed meant a lot to him. That Bret, he sure is a classy guy. Of course, 5 minutes later he probably had another orgy like he did in seasons 1 and 2.
Bret trying to be smart is also priceless. For example, this season one of the girls had a hidden cell phone and called her boyfriend. Bret of course had no idea. At the end of the episode, he threw her off the show and stated that he always knew. Sure Bret, the producers didn't tell you what was going on did they? Of course the other girls also warned Bret, but who would listen to them anyway.
The other thing that makes this show awesome is the girls. It's not that they are eye candy. Most of them are so used up that Bret should probably be wearing a hazmat suit when he comes into contact with them.
1) Real World/Road Rules Challenge
This is a controversial decision for all 3 of you that read this, but the Real World/Road Rules series of reality competitions is the best.
Let me make it clear, The Real World and Road Rules both suck individually, but there is something about the Challenge, which pits them against each other.
One of the best parts of this show is that contestants appear in multiple seasons, while new blood is brought in from the new RW and RR seasons.
You really get to know all of these professional challenge players and hilarity always ensues. You get to see the drama of how many of these people have slept with each other (answer: all of them).
You get to see people "retire." Yes, people retire from the Challenge and announce it with pride and a speech.
The drunken fights, the sober fights, the fights about fights and the love decagons all make this show the best reality show.
Another excellent facet of this show is the scouting. You watch the Real World and Road Rules, to see which cast members would make good additions to the challenge. It's like watching a college basketball season to see who will get drafted by the NBA.
And of course, a lot of the contestants are hot. Very hot.