Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Who Would You Rather 4?

I know I know. I've been gone for about 7 months. Bite me.

Today's edition of Who Would You Rather? focuses on the girls of the WB. Let's not waste any time.

From left: Leighton Meester, Jessica Szohr, Taylor Momsen and Blake Lively

Gossip Girl

For a lot of people, these girls should win this. But for me, most of these girls are underwhelming. Blake Lively has an amazing body and I think she's allergic to bras, but there is something about her face that reminds me of the Sea Hag from Popeye.

Leighton Meester is ok, but just has a boring look. Taylor Momsen is 16 and from photos is made up to look like a Raggedy Ann doll so go get your pedophile fix somewhere else. Jessica Szohr is alright, but nothing to write home about. The Gossip Girl girls are good, but that's about it. At least they aren't as bad as my next entry:

From left: Jessica Stroup, Shenae Grimes, Jessica Lowndes and AnnaLynne McCord


Where to begin with this group? Ok, let me start by saying that Jessica Lowndes is very hot:

Now with that out of the way, this is the photo I considered using for the rest of the cast:

Tori Spelling leads the new 90210 cast members on their first day on set.

Where did they find these girls? Obviously the casting director was not a guy, because not self-respecting straight man would've picked these girls. When I long for the days of Donna Martin graduating because of her looks, then I know there's a problem.

From left: Stephanie Jacobsen, Jessica Lucas, Laura Leighton, Katie Cassidy and Ashlee Simpson

Melrose Place

Laura Leighton is 41 years old. She wasn't hot when the show first started and she's not hot now. Ashlee Simpson has improved, but there was nowhere else for her to go but up. Katie Cassidy and Stephanie Jacobsen have amazing bodies and they are both pretty hot, but there is one girl that stands out and that is Jessica Lucas.

From left: Jessica Lucas and Mrs. Howell

Look at that body. Holy crap! This girl is so fine that she beats the previous two casts almost singlehandedly. Hopefully, Melrose Place gets cancelled soon and she goes on to a great career in something better. Or porn.

From left: Sara Canning, Nina Dobrev, Candice Accola and Kayla Ewell

Vampire Diaries

But our winners are the girls of Vampire Diaries. Firstly, these girls are hot even in their mugshots after getting arrested for flashing motorists from a highway bridge. 

All of these girls have amazing bodies and are cute to boot. Nina Dobrev is the star of the show and she has legs that run up to her head. She is gorgeous and in any other world, she would be the hottest girl from her show. But alas, it is not meant to be:

Meet Katerina Graham. And with that, the girls of Vampire Diaries destroy all three other shows combined.


Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Not An April Fool's Joke

This is old (even older than McFarlane's Haunt), but I hadn't realized how many people hadn't seen this yet. This is Smash, a new comic written by Jeph Loeb (Nooooooooooo) with are by Rob Liefeld (Nooooooooo). Yes, this nightmare team of creators has decided that the world needs more poorly-written comics starring characters with no feet. 

I'm not sure which is the worst creator team-up ever, Loeb-Liefeld or Liefeld and director Brett Ratner who are working together on the Youngblood movie.

There's also something else about Smash. He looks vaguely familiar. I don't know, maybe somebody can figure this out. I do have the most creative origin for him.

"Scientist Dirk Danner was an expert in Delta Rays. During one of his experiments, a young boy on a skateboard named Nick Cones a Delta Bomb test that Dr. Danner has initiated. Danner runs out to save the boy, but gets caught in the blast. Now, whenever Dr. Danner gets horny, he turns into a giant purple monster, the Unbelievable Smash!"

The Yankees Will Win The World Series

The New York Yankees will win the World Series and here's why:

1) Better pitching. Last year's rotation had Mike Mussina as the staff ace for most of the year. Andy Pettitte was #2. This year, Pettitte is the fifth starter. Chien-Ming Wang is back from injury and is now a #3 starter. CC Sabathia and A.J. Burnett are the top two, and while I am not a big Burnett guy, he is better than Sidney Ponson and all the other crappy guys that pitched last year. Last year's team won 89 games with a weak rotation. I am positive these guys will add a lot of wins.

2) The lineup is still strong. Most of these guys are getting old and injury-prone, but I believe that Jorge Posada and Hideki Matsui still will produce a ton of runs. Adding Mark Texeira at 1B was huge. He will protect A-Rod when he comes back from injury. Derek Jeter can still get his hits. Johnny Damon is still dangerous. Robinson Cano will bounce back. And Melky Cabrera is being replaced by rookie Brett Gardner (who is a terror on the basepaths).

3) The division will be weaker. Manny Ramirez is gone, and while Jason Bay is a good player and teammate, he is no Manny. David Ortiz, Mike Lowell and Jason Varitek are declining at a rapid pace. J.D. Drew is bound to get injured. The Red Sox lineup is not as strong as it once was. I could see them missing the playoffs altogether. As for the Rays, I just don't see them repeating last year's success. Call it a hunch, but things went too perfect for them last year. I don't think they can repeat that performance.

So you heard it here first folks! Place your bets for the Yankees beating the Mets in the 2009 World Series.  

Who Would You Rather? 3

Girls Next Door Edition

Kendra Wilkinson

Bridget Marquardt

Holly Madison

Let's start this off by getting rid of Bridget right off the bat. She is the oldest, the fattest (by Hollywood and Playboy standards) and the ugliest. At the Playboy Mansion, women like Bridget are usually taken back to the grotto and are Old Yellered.

Now we come down to Kendra and Holly. Kendra is easily hotter and prettier than Holly. She is into sports and plays the tomboy part well. She is probably also a really wild lay. Seems like an open and shut easy win for Kendra doesn't it? Well, no.

Now many of you won't agree with me (and I don't give a shit) but there is something about Holly that gives her the slight edge in my book. She is completely insane. Only a nutjob (or golddigger, but she could be both) would want Hef's 8,000-year-old seed in her. Holly kept talking about wanting to marry Hef and have children with him. This girl is batshit insane, which makes me think that she is all about being freaky in bed (jacuzzi, elevator, airplane). She seems the type that would do "anything" to please her guy and for that, Holly slightly edges out Kendra.


Monday, March 9, 2009

Who Would You Rather 2?

Tricia Helfer (BSG)

Evangeline Lilly (Lost)

Yvonne Strahovski (Chuck)

You know that these three are mega hotties when Tricia Helfer finishes in third place. 

Helfer is super hot as a Cylon in BSG, but for me, she is a bit behind the other two.

Now, if you asked me three years ago who was hotter than Evangeline Lilly, I would find it difficult to come up with an answer. "Freckles" has one of the best bodies I have ever seen, and even though she was dating that Hobbit guy, I couldn't hold it against her. If I ever met him, I would probably kill him and take his body to a lab to be dissected. Then we could find out what type of weird scent he was releasing that would make a girl like her want to have sex with a guy like him.

But then one day a crazy thing happened, I started watching a show about a nerd working at Best Buy. When I first saw Yvonne Strahovski, I actually wasn't that impressed. I thought she was just another hot blonde, but that was about it. But as she kicked ass in skimpier outfits every episode, my lust meter went through the roof. I know it's weird to say, but her character changed my perception of her. At times she had that innocent fuck me look. Then it was an ass kicking fuck me look. Other times it was a stern fuck me look. Her fuck me look range was off the charts!

So to sum up, Strahovski would be my choice at the moment barely edging out Lilly. This could change as easily as the direction of the wind, but that is my final answer today.


Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Can We Please Just Stop Overdoing It?

Look, I don't want to say bad things about a dead guy, but can we stop pretending that Heath Ledger was the greatest actor ever? Can people also stop coming out of the woodwork proclaiming themselves Heath Ledger fans or how awesome he was?

Let me explain. I think he was a good actor and his portrayal of the Joker was phenomenol, but one year later and people are saying how amazing he was.

This quote for example: "One other guarantee is that I'll be a sensitive mess when Ledger wins (the Oscar). That dude was awesome, and it sucks that he’s gone."

It does suck that he's gone, but he was "awesome?" He definitely had potential, but based on his career, I wouldn't go as far as saying he was awesome.

10 Things I Hate About You - Fine, let's say he gets a break for this piece of crap cause it's his first major role.

The Patriot - American Braveheart was a pretty boring movie and it was all about Mel anyway.

Monster's Ball - Halle Berry taking it doggie style from Billy Bob Thornton was great, but did anybody really like this movie?

The Four Feathers - Bombed.

Ned Kelly and The Order - Horrible movies.

Lords of Dogtown - Haven't seen it. I've heard good things, but I'm not sure how big his role was.

The Brothers Grimm - How this movie sucked was beyond me.

Brokeback Mountain - Movie wasn't bad, performance was excellent.

Casanova, Candy and I'm Not There - Crap, haven't seen it and small role.

The Dark Knight - Excellent, though I still maintain that Chris Nolan was more important to the awesomeness of that movie.

So again, how awesome was he? I put him up there with River Phoenix, untapped potential who was lost too early. But let's not put him in the same category as some of the current greats.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009