Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Not An April Fool's Joke


This is old (even older than McFarlane's Haunt), but I hadn't realized how many people hadn't seen this yet. This is Smash, a new comic written by Jeph Loeb (Nooooooooooo) with are by Rob Liefeld (Nooooooooo). Yes, this nightmare team of creators has decided that the world needs more poorly-written comics starring characters with no feet. 

I'm not sure which is the worst creator team-up ever, Loeb-Liefeld or Liefeld and director Brett Ratner who are working together on the Youngblood movie.

There's also something else about Smash. He looks vaguely familiar. I don't know, maybe somebody can figure this out. I do have the most creative origin for him.

"Scientist Dirk Danner was an expert in Delta Rays. During one of his experiments, a young boy on a skateboard named Nick Cones a Delta Bomb test that Dr. Danner has initiated. Danner runs out to save the boy, but gets caught in the blast. Now, whenever Dr. Danner gets horny, he turns into a giant purple monster, the Unbelievable Smash!"

The Yankees Will Win The World Series



The New York Yankees will win the World Series and here's why:

1) Better pitching. Last year's rotation had Mike Mussina as the staff ace for most of the year. Andy Pettitte was #2. This year, Pettitte is the fifth starter. Chien-Ming Wang is back from injury and is now a #3 starter. CC Sabathia and A.J. Burnett are the top two, and while I am not a big Burnett guy, he is better than Sidney Ponson and all the other crappy guys that pitched last year. Last year's team won 89 games with a weak rotation. I am positive these guys will add a lot of wins.

2) The lineup is still strong. Most of these guys are getting old and injury-prone, but I believe that Jorge Posada and Hideki Matsui still will produce a ton of runs. Adding Mark Texeira at 1B was huge. He will protect A-Rod when he comes back from injury. Derek Jeter can still get his hits. Johnny Damon is still dangerous. Robinson Cano will bounce back. And Melky Cabrera is being replaced by rookie Brett Gardner (who is a terror on the basepaths).

3) The division will be weaker. Manny Ramirez is gone, and while Jason Bay is a good player and teammate, he is no Manny. David Ortiz, Mike Lowell and Jason Varitek are declining at a rapid pace. J.D. Drew is bound to get injured. The Red Sox lineup is not as strong as it once was. I could see them missing the playoffs altogether. As for the Rays, I just don't see them repeating last year's success. Call it a hunch, but things went too perfect for them last year. I don't think they can repeat that performance.

So you heard it here first folks! Place your bets for the Yankees beating the Mets in the 2009 World Series.  

Who Would You Rather? 3

Girls Next Door Edition

Kendra Wilkinson

Bridget Marquardt

Holly Madison


Let's start this off by getting rid of Bridget right off the bat. She is the oldest, the fattest (by Hollywood and Playboy standards) and the ugliest. At the Playboy Mansion, women like Bridget are usually taken back to the grotto and are Old Yellered.

Now we come down to Kendra and Holly. Kendra is easily hotter and prettier than Holly. She is into sports and plays the tomboy part well. She is probably also a really wild lay. Seems like an open and shut easy win for Kendra doesn't it? Well, no.

Now many of you won't agree with me (and I don't give a shit) but there is something about Holly that gives her the slight edge in my book. She is completely insane. Only a nutjob (or golddigger, but she could be both) would want Hef's 8,000-year-old seed in her. Holly kept talking about wanting to marry Hef and have children with him. This girl is batshit insane, which makes me think that she is all about being freaky in bed (jacuzzi, elevator, airplane). She seems the type that would do "anything" to please her guy and for that, Holly slightly edges out Kendra.

Thoughts?